I met with a guy the other day who has been divorced twice and each time just
gave his wife everything of their material wealth in their separation. He just
walked away from his money.
I asked him about it and he shared an
interesting insight: that for most people money is their God, and that, by
walking away from 100% of his wealth, he felt great about the separation, and
his children from both circumstances, and his ex, thought good of him for it
which, resulted in him feeling right about making the money back again really
quickly, without much trouble.
I look back at my own divorce where a
court decided our settlement and it was more than I wanted to give. So I felt
betrayed by the court, resentful about the settlement and caused my ex to be
bitter about the generous amounts she received. All she remembered was the
fight, the ugliness of my worship of money over friendship, and all I remembered
was being an arsehole, and being cheated by the court during the cruelty of our
Unlike my friend I didn't quickly make the money back because I
felt like a real prick, felt angry, felt bitter about the settlement and felt
like a loser over the disempowering circumstance. In retrospect, money was my
God and i put it before the welfare of my children.
You see, the bitter
taste I put in my ex wife's mouth was what she remembered when it was my time to
pick up the kids, to have my time, to enjoy being their father. All she could
remember, in spite of the generous court decided percentage of our wealth was
how hard I'd made it for her to break clean and how I'd used the money to, in
some way, "punish" her for our circumstance.
In 2009 I think it was,
Julia Gillard the Australian Prime Minister gave every Australian a bonus
payment of around $1,000. Most people spent that freebie on electronic goods
like TV sets and other white goods which were 99% imports, so the money, I think
$30 Billion dollars, blew away overseas to China and a few Aussie retailers made
a buck or two in the process. So, you could say, it was a waste of
But one thing came of that bonus, and that thing was confidence.
Australians were basically told that while the world was sinking in a Global
Financial Crisis, we were flush, confident and buying TV's. Her strategy, or
that of Federal Treasurer Wayne Swan, more than stimulate the monetary economy
of Australia, stimulated confidence, gave some emotional stimulation to a
country, like others in the World, on the brink of trouble.
the emotional sinking, Australia's Government arrested the real sinking of the
economy. Our emotions, how we feel about ourselves and our money is deeply
routed in our ability to earn more, to drive through troubles and uncertainty.
And that's why I think, in retrospect my friend who gave his ex wife a "more
than she expected deal" .. voluntarily and willingly without resentment, acted
more in the interests of his children, than I did in my divorce
Money is a God, especially to those who fear losing it. Money
is, for a single mum, a whole different icon that it is to a single dad, no
matter how you see it, somehow there's a difference in the value of it. Money
given by decree is vastly different money to money voluntarily given in
consciousness. A generous settlement in a separation will result in a "Gillard"
affirmation of positive memory and that, frankly, is the best gift a separating
father can give to his children (or child!).
Feeling like an arse, or
having an ex who treats you like an arse because of the fight that had to have
to get their "perceived value" in a "letting go" process will cause more poverty
than any divorce settlement you can imagine. I cost me years of my life and
millions of my potential wealth.
Conscious separation means "leave a
great taste" in the mind and heart of those you are separating from. Stay
positive about your goodness and kindness. Cause an indelible memory of
generosity, warmth and appreciation. And, don't be attached to how that
percentage of your wealth is used or abused. It's not yours.
future value of present money is small, so commit to the best settlement and a
discretionary future commitment to outgoings rather than err to the opposite.
For example, if the school fees for the next 10 years are $15,000 - give it in
the settlement and negotiate how best to preserve it for use over the 10
With Love and Inspiration to my Three Beautiful Children who see
past the bitterness I caused by making money my God over everything else all
those twenty five years ago,
People who focus on low priorities sabotage their self worth. So you might ask, "what is a low priority?"
Well a low priority is something that doesn't directly fulfil your V.I.P - Vision, Inspiration and Purpose...
To know your top four priorities in life you need a Purpose greater than you. It means, the daily debate about whether to stop and pick up the milk or to sit and listen to drivel, or to attend a function will be solved simply by asking "how does this link to my top four priorities?"Here is an amazing story..
. a story that should, if you are committed to your V.I.P feel like a story about a kindred spirit, somebody else in the world who has found their purpose, a purpose higher than their ego, and is living it.
In this wonderful short 5 minute documentary
linked here to The George Negus 6.30 Report you will hear from a man who asks the world -- "How do 1,000 people fret about a single beached whale when 1,000 children die daily and nobody seems to care?" - He takes you to a world where, as part of tribal and religious conflicts children have an arm or leg hacked off in public by machete... and nobody seems to care... but we do care about a whale...
My client is a marine biologist who studies whales at the University of Hobart.. he's a retired corporate head who found a second life and followed his passion to it. He loves whales, he loves the sea, but the number of whales killed by Japanese trawlers, or dolphins in nets, or beached on sandy shallows is, in the educated world of marine biology, a ridiculous triviality.
But to a whale lover, it is a high priority. To a couch potato, press driven family man, it could become their radio active topic. When we have no purpose in life higher than ourselves, we grope from social "leverage" topics, jump on the bandwagon without thought or inspiration just to vent our frustration.
Choose not to work on your low priorities by simply applying the DDD rule. Do, Dump, Delegate... Dump and delegate all low priority tasks. It makes you a better person, better self worth, better leader, better father or mother and better friend.
Find your Future Vision, inspiration and Purpose and nominate your top four priorities to follow your purpose. It will make your self worth increase, your libido rise, your magnetism stronger and your family better guided.
PS - Priorities are not values. Some people say their priorities are like this: Work, family, health, money.. but that's ridiculous to put them in a hierarchical list. No priorities are activities like reading, writing, speaking and travelling.... four things I do that keep me on purpose. What are yours? If you don't know then do a VIP Challenge online to find them?
I've attached to this blog posts an online copy of my favourite book. Over the past 35 years I've read, summarised, scanned and reviewed literally thousands of books. This one, is still today, my absolute favourite.
In the book Shaftsbury speaks to an exclusive club of "those who wish to be inspired in life" - and in his time, it was an exclusive association of lawyers, politicians and medical practitioners who saw the depth of their character as an integral asset in reaching the top of their profession. These days, it seems to be valued less.
In the book I love the way Shaftsbury drives home the art of presence and influence. And what do you think he credits as the single most important variable in Personal Magnetism? Yes, you guessed it, "Future Seeing" or in my language - Future V.I.P. Enjoy the read and bypass the language of that era, the content is astonishing as any you'll ever read.
Remind yourself today that the most attractive, sexy, delicious person you ever met, or ever felt you were, was probably not the most physically beautiful person you were or saw... if that makes sense
Libido and love come from a combination of things, but simplified down they come from beauty combined with V.I.P...
A person without a big V.I.P can look beautiful but that becomes transparent after a short while. Then you ask, "why am I doing this?"
Libido comes from buoyancy and buoyancy comes from hopefulness which comes from inspiration and inspiration flows from vision, vision only survives the test of time with purpose and therefore, purpose builds your libido.
People who have big libodo have V.I.P ...because when vision is large, and inspiration is strong, and there's a purpose to focus it, the whole human mechnism is working in perfect harmony, energy is conserved, presence is felt, and power comes in the form of mojo, libido.
There are substitutes for libido including drugs, sugar, alcohol and more.. but non are sustainable or attractive. Substitutes cause lust, attraction in the physical sense, but there's little power behind it.
V.I.P is lifeforce... libido and it shows in all levels of life - particulary sexual.
We're all going to die sometime, but why wait till then to R.I.P - Rest in Peace... weird that we have to wait till we can't enjoy the bliss to take a rest in peace.
If you know - deep in your heart - what your Vision, Inspiration and Purpose are, you'll rest in peace, before you R.I.P ... if you know what I mean.
Why wait? There's no need to wait till you're dead to enjoy the peace and rest that confidence and trust in your V.I.P can create. Lets look at it.
Vision... If you have a vision clearly written down in all seven areas of life it gives you a deep hopefulness, an ambition, a good reason .. and because those visions are all seven areas of life, their can be room for your children and family and friends to be included, so, you become more caring too. Nice peace in this.
Inspiration.... It's hard to do good if you don't feel good and the marketers of the world, the advertising guru's don't give a crap about how you feel, they sell products. So, to rise out of that disempowered mess that's called emotion, you hook into a big slice of good life energy, inspiration... It's truly what monks spend their life hoping for, but, with nature's law in your pocket, you get it whenever you choose... so, that's peace... Inspired peace...
Purpose ... The sky falls sometimes... like when I was in New York and the WTC got hit. Man the earth shook and I mean more than the building.. all our foundations were shaken ... unless you had a purpose greater than you, that whole disaster magnified.. So, even the worst tragedy can be better handled with a purpose greater than you, because you, the thing your purpose is greater than, is an ego, and an ego, no matter how sexy you dress it up, has two sides and that is never a sense of confidence.. beyond that ego, there is rest, peace and loads of strength.
So, R.I.P means rest in peace. Rest in peace while you jog, laugh, work, love, give, get and forget... so why wait till you can't enjoy it from six feet underground or a bottle of ash? Find your VIP
Here's a short video that helps explain why Vision, Inspiration AND purpose are inseparable and essential in combination for better energy, success, happiness, libido and leadership...
I’d like to share a story about me to give some insight into why your purpose matters.
I think it’s a spiritual thing but because I don’t know what that means, I’ll just have to rely on this story to convey the point.
I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. Stuff happened in my early years that set me on an angry path of self-destruction and wilful disobedience. It wasn’t pretty. Basically, you can say that I had no vision, didn’t trust tomorrow, and therefore didn’t invest in anything other than instantaneous gratification, no matter how bad it was for me.
By the time I was 14 I was at a cross roads. The high road or the low road and given how many of my good mates were dead or in jail, it wasn’t easy to choose. I took the high road. My Dad also made it easy by giving me an ultimatum, stay and take the high road or stay on the low road and leave home. I stayed.
If you run a team, family, community group, corporation, or, recognise that self-leadership includes a team of diverse interests called "You" then you'll for sure be aware that there are often trouble makers in every group.
Trouble makers are not always the worst performers but the troubles they create in management, attracting attention, recruiting dysfunction in any situation, including parenting, are often destructive and distracting to those who want to follow and do something inspirationally.
All trouble makers have lost their VIP. Future Vision. That is a 100% guarantee in family, community, team or group... and in you. Even the team of your mind, your body and your spirit can have diverse interests and it means that one of them sees no real investment in their future. Lost VIP Future Vision explains all dysfunction, in relationship it usually means one of a couple "got what they wanted."
You see, most people mistake big goals for future visions.. then set out to achieve what they want. After a few years they get what they want.. say 99% of people reach their goals in some form. But then they fail. Because once you achieve your goals and visions, you become a trouble maker... there's simply nothing to look forward to except more of the same.
If you ask a naturally free spirited child or most youth about the future their eyes light up. Even if that future is just tomorrow or the next party. They always have something to look forward to. But adults shrink and become trouble makers to themselves. Most illness and personal sickness comes from lost or worse still, achieved dreams.
The human spirit is a visionary bastard. It looks to the future and then asks mind, body to do whatever it takes to go there. And there is always a new future whenever an old one manifests. The enemy of the human spirit - and therefore the enemy of health, productivity, happiness and inspiration are hype and elation. These are how people try to deal with lost vision, they create fantasies of all upside situations and therefore become, troublemakers to themselves and others.
Hype and elation lead to addiction, exhaustion, corruption, depression, fatigue, mental ilness, immune breakdown, poor decision making, and relationship dishonesty.
Vision - VIP with balance leads to inspiration, authenticity, productivity, love, intimacy, attraction,
When we climb a mountain, we're always looking for the best route. It's never a straight up walk. But we never give up.
Sometimes you have to go down a bit to go up.
Sometimes you feel like you are making no progress.
It takes a tenacious approach to flexibility to live on purpose. So, today, be flexible about how things get done, but absolutely tenacious about getting things done.
The easy thing about climbing a mountain is that there is a top, no question, there's a peak and all else is between you and the peak. You just go around resistance.
But in your life.. Your VISION.. that peak shifts. Sometimes we get so dogged and determined on how we do stuff that we sacrifice the peak in order to be something special. We need flexibility so we adapt to stuff and hold the vision.
So, put in anchor points in your life so that you can't fall too far. Make sure your attitude is in the high end of the cone of consciousness... and that'll tell you that you are safe to flex, adapt and smile in the face of challenge. Just go around them.
We play Cricket in Australia. There's a bowler and he or she sends a ball made of hard leather at you and your job is to hit the bejesssus out of that thing and run like hell. But sometimes the bowler sends a real nasty throw and it bounces right at your head. You gotta know when to duck... flex .. move out of the way.. just let it go past without even trying to hit it. Tenacious flexibility .. in life is the same... just let some stuff happen, flex, smile and start climbing toward your peak.
Easy when you're committed to tenacious flexibility... it starts with unjudging people
So, you found your V.I.P - Vision, (all seven of them) , Inspiration (Balanced, Centred and Calm) and Purpose (Your Life Mission - Your Legacy) now it's maintenance time.
You'll no doubt know that the time to do your daily VIP maintenance is in the morning before the world and your family wakes up.
You sit down and just ask... "AM I INSPIRED TODAY?"
If the answer is yes, dwell on it because you may need the magic on another day that's not so great.
If the answer is no, you do have your homework sheets.
99% of the time the answer is "sort of" and so, 99% of the time, you have homework. THis is critical because if you are 100% inspired, your work on earth is done... "bye - bye." My feeling is that if you still have a body to inhabit, you still have work to do here."
Now, be careful to be compassionate with you. You can't give what you haven't got so if you are always beating yourself up about not being inspired, you are going backward. Of course you are not always inspired but with the process of the Laws of Nature, you know how to get there... that's the key... get inspired, and get there fast.
How do you know if you are on or off track with your VIP? Just go down the list below and check that you're experiencing all the benefits of VIP. If some are missing, call me, I'll help you get back in the Zone.
- Increased Energy
- Reduced Blood Pressure
- Youthful Vitality
- Life Balance
- Increased Self-Worth
- Clearer Thinking
- More Inspiring to Be With
- Strengthens Emotional Will
- Deeper Sleep
- More Sexual Energy - Libido
- Improved Communication
- Greater Authenticity
- Reduces Stress
- Clears Mind Fog - Malaise
- Transforms Workplace Culture
- Better Leadership
- Global Citizen - Contribution
- Inspires Others to their Potential
- Improved Quality of Life