Yesterday we spoke about contentment being the core of inner wealth and happiness from the inside out. We also covered the ground that defines external happiness as essential for our own motivation and yet extremely vulnerable to maintain.

We also made mention of the fact that some people who are internally unhappy are highly motivated to find external happiness and therefore become highly successful in any field of endeavour they put their mind to. In other words, unhappiness within makes people seek happiness outside themselves and this chase drives incredible effort.

The downside of this model of inner unhappiness and outer happiness seeking is that when it comes to love and relationships the very seeking of happiness becomes high maintenance low intimacy, and a high probability of relationship failure. This can be seen quite often in the fields where people are incredibly successful and yet disastrous in their personal life.

Today I would like to focus on maintenance cost.

High Maintenance Relationships - Look Good - Feel Bad

Being in a relationship with a person who is internally unhappy and externally seeking happiness is very exciting. They need affection, give affection and crave the happiness that comes from the physicality of being loved. So the inner discontent breeds an appetite for contentment behind closed doors. Hence, sometimes the most attractive and active partner you find is also the highest maintenance  partner you find.

Discontent on the inside breeds vulnerability. To cope with that vulnerability we build an ego. Egos are very high maintenance. You can feed and ego 100 positive pieces of information and therefore fluff up its feathers but one single piece of negative information will turn those feathers into spikes like a porcupine.

So it is often the person who is seeking the grandest and biggest success in life and works diligently to create that success who is the most internally unhappy individual. But this is not a pre-requisite. There are also many successful people who are content on the inside and therefore achieving success with a whole different motivation.

A contented person, happy on the inside, does not need anything. Therefore, their actions are really made out of desperation. A person who is content will make wise long-term decisions. They will not be busy to the point of nervous exhaustion. Achievement will mean I steady progress towards a result. I refer to this form of motivation as inspiration.

Inspiration is when the inner voice speaks louder than the outer voices. This is in stark contrast to motivation where the outer voices, emotions, opinions, needs speak louder than the inner voice.

For some people the difference may be semantic but for me this is the difference between a well-run business, sustainable sporting achievement, health and a great relationship.


Short Term Or Long Term - That's the Difference

A needy person, unhappy on the inside, makes a great partner for a while. They are exciting, sensual, exploratory and enthusiastic for love. But the needy person gives love in order to get love. They give affection in order to get affection because everything they do is based on discontent within. Such a person needs continual maintenance and motivation. The irony is that this individual is the most resistant to change because their ego is defensive, it protects their vulnerability and unhappiness from danger. Therefore their intimacy is purely physical and they love is highly conditional. This is the hallmark of a volatile relationship.

Many highly successful and high achievement people seek this sort of relationship. They seek relationships with other needy people. Unhappiness on the inside attracts other people who also have unhappiness on the inside because they satisfy each other’s needs they find each other attractive.

The cost of this high maintenance happiness can be measured in both financial and emotional terms. A business entrepreneur might think they are making money during such a relationship but by the end of that they will lose a significant proportion of that which they have gained paying the costs of separation.

High maintenance relationships also involve lots of therapy, counselling and coaching but rarely does this shift the emphasis of externally seeking happiness to internally finding it, which is what will solve the problems.

Low Maintenance Happiness Comes from the inside out

It may seem like too big a task to cause happiness to come from the inside out. Many people would suggest that happiness in any form is better than no happiness at all. However, I’d like to differ. External happiness always has two sides and therefore those who seem to be the happiest on the outside also experience the counterbalance the hell or unhappiness that you don’t get to witness.

For example; I worked with a lady who was the most bubbly, bouncy, happy person I’d ever come to meet. Secretly she confided with me that she was feeling suicidal. And yet she refused to give up this external display of bubbly, bouncy happiness. Her children emulated her, her work colleagues envied her, her partner was attracted to her because of these bubbly, bouncy happy displays. She knew that her whole social and family structure was dependent on her maintaining this image and the stress of doing so was killing her. She had turned to alcohol, affairs, spirituality and money trying to maintain that bubbly, bouncy and happy attitude 24 7.

You see the thing is we are often sold a myth that if we are good people and do the right thing and achieve things the way we should then we will be happy 24 7. But this myth is not the truth. Everything outside of us is controlled by the universal laws of nature and the universal laws of nature clearly state “there are two sides to everything.”

The best investment you’ll ever make

If you take the investment you make in the share market, property, your health, your family, the future and your relationships and put this on one side of the balance scale and on the other side you put the investment you make in your contentment as a human being they will balance. That’s how important contentment and inner happiness are.

This realisation usually comes around midlife when an individual suddenly realises that the happiness that been chasing through relationships, money, sport and business is not going to come. Rather than accept that reality most people go into denial and try to hold on to those old external mechanisms of happiness finding. Temporarily at least this denial makes a person feel younger then their years.

The energy that goes into creating something is revealed in it. I desperately unhappy person on the inside will strive hard to build something magnificent on the outside but the energy that is going into whatever they create is a desperate search for happiness. It’s a hunger for achievement and a search for contentment. On the other hand a person who has found contentment will build the same incredible achievement but the energy that goes into it will be love, inspiration and happiness. The impact and the difference is incredible.

The laws of nature

The laws of nature do not provide the magic formula for all of the achievements in life. The manipulation of the human psyche by marketing and branding are amongst many different games that can be played out in order to provide those who are hungry for happiness with happiness. And because it’s all external that happiness will have 2 sides and the marketing and branding people will be trying their hardest to avoid responsibility for the downside.

The laws of nature do provide the magic formula for contentment and happiness within because they explain the world on the outside with realistic expectations and true perspective. Then, marketing and branding are unnecessary tricks and all one needs to do is authentically present a transparent truth about what the intention of the enterprises (or individual) in order to inspire people to invest.

Conclusion
We’ve seen here today that there is both internal and external happiness. Both have a role in the world because without external happiness we would not be motivated and without internal happiness we would not be inspired. The cost of external happiness is the duality of it and this cost is multiplied by the false expectation that external happiness can come without a cost. Internal happiness is low maintenance there is no duality nor is there a need there is simply contentment.

Contentment on the inside (inner happiness) does not automatically negate appetite on the outside. In fact the more content a person is on the inside the more likely they are to see opportunities on the outside.