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Balance
When you think, personal balance what comes to your mind first? Is it
the concept of distribution of time between work and home? Between
stress and relaxation? In this article I'd like to suggest a more
sophisticated and effective way of creating personal balance.
You understand the need for balance. When you lack it, you burn out and
fail to meet your commitments. That's called stress, and you know when
that has taken over. The joy goes out, your heart closes. Nothing seems
to be fulfilling.
So, balance is one of the important lifestyle choices we make. And it
also feeds the diversity of demands on our time. Children, partner,
health, personal interests, sport, spiritual and career. We want
balance because we want to be holistic human beings, rather than
robots, and just a means of production.
There's also the diversity of emotions to consider. We need this
diversity so that we get to express a healthy range of feelings. Sport,
play, love, creative, logic, passion, kindness, care, anger and more...
So, balance has to be a critical ingredient of our lives. There's also
the balance between soft and hard. Between those times when we can
surrender and just be ourselves and those times we put on the public
mask. I think the term is down time, or my time.
I'd like to draw your attention to a few anomalies in the classic
concept of achieving the above because my observation is, that it takes
a hell of allot of downtime to balance a really stressful job. And the
second one is, that the desire for balance is infinite but it doesn't
take much, after a holiday or some long break, to whip a person into
emotional overload. So, it appears that it is the quality of this
balance time that needs to be addressed as well as the amount of it.
In fact, my observation is, that people do things in their downtime, in
the interest of balancing their "up time" that are quite toxic. So, in
fact the balance time is reactive rather than productive.
There are some really important skills needed to ensure the quality of downtime.
- Active relaxation
- Emotional clearing
- Spirit (inspiration) regeneration
- Youthful play
- Self Awareness
- A regenerative activity
There are many reasons why balance time fails to regenerate energy.
They include, but aren't limited to:
- A nagging partner
- The use of alcohol or drugs to calm the nerves
- Too long a time between uptime and downtime.
- Television as a means of relaxation
- Extreme stress in the uptime mode
- Lack of fun in the downtime activity
- Emotional drama that carries over
- Lack of metabolic increase during downtime (flushing)
- Excess eating, sleeping or partying.
- The inability to break away from the problems of the uptime life.
- A deep, pervasive emotion (anger, resentment or hate) for something in uptime.
So, the keys to healthy balance management are:
1/ Don't wait too long.
The longest period between balancing sessions should be around 4-8
hours. Those are conscious time outs during which you: switch off,
remain calm, distract your mind, stimulate your breathing, calm your
nerves.
Meditation is hailed as one of these practices. Yoga is another.
However there are hundreds of ways. What you must be careful of is to
make sure you avoid any of the following in that list; eating,
drinking, sleeping, talking, doing nothing, slow walking. These are the
classic, half measures in balance. They don't work.
2/ Do learn mind control techniques that achieve:
Emotional clearing, inner calm, rest, refreshment of the brain,
breathing techniques, focus and re inspiration. These are what we
teach in Innerwealth Technology.
3/ Don't do nothing.
Putting your feet up on the desk might feel relaxing but if you are,
for example, dehydrated before rest, then you'll be dehydrated after
it. You need active rest techniques that really cause recovery. These
are taught in most meditation classes, yoga classes and others. You
might find them challenging at first, so, the benefits might take a
week or two to flow. But they will flow and make your rest, active.
4/ Don't include your relationship in the downtime management cycle.
Your partner does not want you to turn up in their life for the purpose
of downtime. You might think that your relationship is part of your
downtime space but it is absolutely not. In your relationship there are
uptime and downtime spaces. So, be very careful.
I have seen more relationships struggle because of this one thing than
all the rest put together. If your uptime management is so challenged
that home is the only downtime space you give yourself, then your
relationships will fail. You'll be trying to please yourself (take time
out) please your partner (give them enjoyment) and recover from your
stress (active rest). These are three competing forces. Incompatible.
5/ Get outdoors
Recovery is nearly automatic in nature. In a park, a garden, a forest,
on the ocean, near a river. The list goes on. However, you have to be
doing something. Take a photo, throw a Frisbee, play football, skip a
rope. Just taking a basket of food and some wine out into nature is
fantastic but don’t include that in your balance downtime. Include it
in your relationship uptime.
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Conclusions
People who seek balance die young. The idea of balance as being a motive for life is very self destructive. Yes, we have acknowledged the need to distribute our time to the many diverse responsibilities and activities of our life, but this alone will not cause happiness or inspiration in life. Just self obsession.
We must avoid becoming obsessed with balance as the remedy for the woes of our life. A balanced person is not automatically a well person. We must find passion, inspiration in our future vision, otherwise all the balance is for naught. This is the key, we manage our life so that we can live our inspiration. This is the wonder we must explore.
A person with no vision, no inspirational idea of their future will gravitate to obsession with balance in order to make the future irrelevant. It isn't. The human spirit cannot live for the moment. It lives for the future.
I am obsessed with the future. With holding an inspired vision of the future, of living my life purpose and maintaining my inspiration. Then the present takes care of itself. Truly if you are inspired about the future, the present is automatically amazing.
What is in your heart today? Ask this question of yourself over and over. Make it the way you want it. Hold the future inspired and precious. That you, whoever you are and whatever the circumstance, you have a gift to share. If you don't do this, your life will become emotionally desperate and that is not good.
Here's a questionnaire.
1/ Inspiration Score
- If you could give the world one precious gift before you die what would it be?
- If the world was perfect, and didn't have any problems, what would you love to give the world as your gift?
- If nobody needed, wanted, was watching you, what would you love to do and get paid for it?
- What was most missing in your childhood (up to three years old)
- What was in excess in your childhood (up to three years old)
2/ The demand score?
Score10 for 100% Yes. Score 0 for No. Score from 0 - 10 for in between.
- Do you hate your job? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have emotional conflict at work? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have high conflict for your boss (can be non verbal)? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have too much to do and not enough time? Score "0 to 10"
- Is your company going through change? Score "0 to 10"
- Are you hoping for turnaround/change in your work? Score "0 to 10"
- Is your office open plan or closed private? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you spend more than half your working day in an office? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you travel by plane more than once a week? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you spend more than two nights a week away from home? Score "0 to 10"
- If you don't perform well in your job, will you be fired? Score "0 to 10"
Now add those scores......... total between 0 and 11o?
3/ The balance score?
Score 10 for 100% Yes. Score 0 for No. Score from 0 - 10 for in between.
- Are you happily single - or in a really healthy, happy relationship? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have any dependent children? Score "0 to 10"
- Are you healthy? (weight, fitness, etc) Score "0 to 10"
- Do you meditate or do active rest daily? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have a process to clear your negative emotion that works? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you get outdoors for exercise daily ? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you drink alcohol or "party late" less than once a week? Score "0 to 10"
- Are you sleeping 6-8 hrs a night without medications? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you watch less than 2 hours of television a day? Score "0 to 10"
- Do you have loving friendships, partner and home life? Score "0 to 10"
- Is your private time free from drama? Score "0 to 10"
Now add those scores ....... total between 0 and 110?
Score - Are you Balancing your Life?
Simply add the scores and see how you rate.
If the differences between the two scores is greater than 30 points you need to adjust your lifestyle.
- If the scores are equal you are doing good
- If the overall scores are above 75 and within 30 points of each other you are in the success zone
- If the overall scores are below 50 and within 30 points of each other you are in the comfort zone
- If the overall scores are below 30 and within 30 points of each other you probably need to get a life.
If your balance score is higher than your work score, you can give more
out. If your balance score is less than your work score, you're burning
out. Change is essential.
You can buy this book at Amazon.com
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