Take a white sheet of paper. Lay it on the desk in front of you. Sit in your chair and look at it. Don't move. You and that white sheet of paper will soon become one. If you move, the paper and you are no longer where you were. If you think, the paper is no longer just paper, it's now an influence on your thinking. If you think that this is a waste of time, the paper is now causing you to react.
Why do this?
You are doing an exercise that teaches you the difference between love and relationship. Love is sitting looking at a white sheet of paper. It is what it is. Nothing to do. Nothing not to do. The white sheet of paper is none of your business. If it wants to turn brown, you watch. It's not your paper it's a free piece of paper. You love that paper by seeing that it is what it is. Perfect. If it blows off the desk, you are still you. If coffee spills on it, you still love the paper. It's not you. But you love it just the same.
NOW FOR RELATIONSHIP
Take the same white sheet of paper and ask "what can i do to make it better?" - Then ask, "what can I do if it starts to go brown?" - If the wind blows the paper off the desk, you feel lost without it. You and the white sheet of paper are one. If it gets a mark on it, a coffee stain or even smells a bit, you feel repelled from it. If suddenly the paper gets whiter or browner you get happier. Wow that piece of paper is playing you like a flute.
When there is no separation there is only relationship. An individual loses their ability to love. Their eyes become blinded by their feelings and they react to everything. They are no longer a person loving - they are attached to a relationship and the other person becomes an extention of them. Everything the other person says or does becomes important. Then, when we are attached, the love is gone, the relationship becomes toxic and we start to try to fix what's not broken.
The key to relationship rehab is the white sheet of paper. Relationships are not the collaborative destruction of individuality, a merging of lifestyles and characteristics to create an agreed hybrid of two to make one. Relationships are based on respect for individuality. Collaboration is only a small part of the success of a great relationship, individuality and shining as a human being, this is the creation of great relationship. And so, relationship rehab is the refinement of personal intuitions.
As we have addressed so far in this series on Intuition, it requires a steadfast commitment to the order than exists in chaos to stay from drowning in noise. A relationship that is in need of rehab is one in which one or both individuals have surrendered their individuality into the collaboration of relationship. One or both are lost.
So, when a relationship starts to go south one should ask:
Often, the habit of collaboration is born out of trauma. This can be childbirth or even the loss of self that childbirth can bring. All can be healed but not through the merging of personalities and a joint drive for happiness from the one outcome. Two tigers chewing on the same bone will always end in a scratch.
The purpose of a relationship is not happiness. - Leonardo da Walker
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