I live in Bondi Beach. Last week there was a fight between a man and a woman who were screaming at each other all sorts of horrible obscenities. Including “but I fucking love you.” On the surface, this sounds weird, a violent scream of pain and hate, nothing short of a physical and emotional assault on someone, and they called it love.
No word in the entire English dictionary is more abused than the word “love.” People kill for it, die for it, assault because of it, get a licence to act stupid because of it. It is a word that has one meaning to everyone, and yet has interpretations unique to each individual. It is used to justify hurting, to justify ignorance, to validate abuse.
Nobody ever imagined that what Jesus, Mohamed, Moses, Krishna, Buddha and the rest of the gang spoke about as love could turn to stoning, beheading, crucifixion, war and domestic violence. “I chopped him up into little pieces and ate him because he betrayed my love.” Or “I love my kids and want the best for them, so I belittle them and drive them to drugs and suicide.” A child does not know the law of nature “your stress is not my stress.”
Our children are our teachers. They are born with every idiosyncrasy we hate in ourselves, we love them and therefore we are being taught to love ourselves through them. But most parents want to change those idiosyncrasies instead of learning from their children, they see the need to fix them. How sad is that? It’s the equivalent to going to school and changing the curriculum to match what we already know. Love, when it comes to parenting, is truly blind.
When two people separate the level of pain experienced: discomfort, anger, fear, insecurity, depression and hate, demonstrate their truly clouded definition of love. If a couple are together with love, separation is painless.
Love, or the lack of it, impacts our work too. Stress is the perfect definition of the lowest form of love. Where there is love there is no stress. Stress is a lopsided perception, an unbalanced thought, while love is the perfect symmetry of balance, a place where positive and negative counteract each other until there is no thinking. Love isn’t the absence of thought, it’s the perfect storm of thoughts colliding, neutralising, and making thought irrelevant.
A lack of love at home, causes thought, stress at home and this is exhausting. As a coach I can testify that very few life, business or sport success have come without love at home. This does not imply the presence of a partner, because love is independent of relationship. It implies the presence of love outside and inside of work. It is the ultimate resilience.
Self-obsession is the opposite to love. When we ask for love we are in the shallow end of the pool. It means we do not have it and want love, to be loved, and then work takes on a whole responsibility that it cannot fulfill. If we seek to find love from our work, or even in our work, we have abandoned ourselves and have become a beggar. Instead, our Innerwealth is our love. Born with it, we give it. The more we have the more we give. There is no appetite to receive it, we arrive at work filled with it. Work becomes an opportunity to give love to our clients in the form of goods and services.
The Sun is, in a metaphorical sense, the Son of God. Gold, the rays of the sun are the coming to earth of the love of the Son. This is why, wealth creation, has always been aligned with the development of a human power. It is why wealth creation can corrupt, distort and cause the abandonment of true love. Wealth can become a substitute for the love it was always intended to represent.
Not only are our children born as our teachers, but so too is our work. How easy is it to judge others at work, to find a fanatical HR system to justify our lack of love. Love for work is also a great correlate for productivity, because no human development training on earth can overcome the lack of love for work.
And yet, we can easily blame the work for our stress just as we can blame the children we birth for it. It is truly a mess when an individual can accuse their work, children or spouse for being the cause of their stress when in truth, in all the universe, stress is the trigger for adaption, for the quest for evolution, the march of progress toward the future. Stress demonstrates where love does not, in the mind of the individual, exist. And yet, life is a sea of love, it is never lacking, we just sometimes become so self-obsessed that we forget to learn. And when we forget to learn, the teacher, nature or your coach, has the unenviable duty to apply a size 12 boot to your ego and bring you lovingly, tough love, back to balance.
In all the TED talks and highjacked self-help that seeks to promote wellbeing at work, have you ever heard “love is the key?” Sadly not because most of the purveyors of commercialised corporate training lack it in their own life. And real teaching starts with the move from getting loved to being love, giving it. Which is an extreme contradiction to the 360 degree ignorance of the Human Resource models of our day. Are you ready to go to the next level on this?
Self-evaluation is the best form of awareness. The seven levels of love are revealed in your inner self-talk and your outer attitude. A lack of balance is revealed to the degree you gravitate to the bottom of the consciousness cone.
More follows in the next blog article