People and Money
This is probably one of the more challenging blog articles I’ve chosen to tackle. Not because working or living with challenging people is without a clear solution but because money changes the math.
If money didn’t lock people into contracts that are both expensive and monetised to break, there would be a lot more happy people on earth. Especially at work.
Take the example of two people working together and one of them has no more desire to be at work than to stick a red hot screw driver in their rectum. They need the money. So, in order to get the money, they collaborate with others. If they don’t collaborate with others, they don’t get paid. So, collaboration is a choice of compliance. They collaborate with you just to keep the peace. Hence, it is for them, an unbalanced and very painful experience.
First you have to deal with a prisoner of their own choices in life, a mortgage or shit job. This individual will resent life, let alone you, so it’s understandable you’ll struggle to get on with them.
Home - The Counterbalance
That person we mentioned above, the prisoner, has what’s called, Golden Handcuffs. They can’t leave because they get paid and they can’t live without the pay. Stuck in a job or role they do not like they are compelled to behave and collaborate with you. Therefore, they are unbalanced at work. This individual goes home at night and flips into the dictator they hate at work, they take their power back. So the bullied bully, the bully gets bullied. The counterbalance process can make your life at home really ugly. Unbalanced work leads to unbalanced homes.
Stories of our difficult childhood roll forward into the day. What we say about the past, whether true or false, becomes the measure on which we gauge the present. A person who was, in story, abused, will find that abuse in the day, they will find the abuser, they will feel compressed by circumstances that may or may not be real, that they are facing abuse. It’s the Bonsai Tree of emotional and spiritual development. Groundhog Day and you have to deal with the same stuff, over and over, and over and over and over again.
Most interpersonal struggles come from one individual being enabled by another to act like a fool. This enabling is often presented as care, friendship, collaboration, love but mostly it’s through being bullied. The enabled individual threatens to leave, take the money, strip the scene if their Bonsai tree mindset is not reinforced and enabled. It’s complex at best, messed up in reality. Very uncomfortable to resist.
Ok, So, what to do?
- You can’t change it. This at least gives you just two options: Stay and enjoy the ride or leave. “There is no try.”
- Knee caps - only joking
- As they say in Formula 1 on Netflix - let the race track do the talking - find your purpose and live it.
- Look for the two sides of that individual. It takes some of the scorpion sting out.
- See where you’re wounds are causing you to value their opinion and maybe deal with that....
- Be Self-Sufficient ... If you think it takes two to tango and they’re the other half, maybe you can try being a cross dresser, or split personality and start being your self.
- Draw lines in the sand. If you’re the enabler of the stressed out person trying to fix, heal, sort out their worries, it may be time to take responsibility for your role in causing them to be a Bonsai Person.
Well, i got through that article only offending 50% of the planet. That’s probably as good as it gets...